disconnected

Tonight I was driving back to Cynthia’s house to pick up Charlotte.  It was after Stage20 so I was driving through Wake Forest… and my windshield wiper came off.  Just started flopping all over the place. Great. Its raining. I’m alone. Its dark. And I had to pull off into some neighborhood to try and fix my windsheild wiper (the idea of me fixing anything car related is quite hilarious).  I get out, and I can’t fix it.  So I call Jamie, though it wasn’t like he could help, he was way far away doing something else, but I needed to complain to someone.  He told me it was probably not broken but just disconnected and that I should reconnect it. Oh yeah, that sounds easy. So after much twisting and prying and general “monkeying” with the stupid thing, I got it back on (I heard some Canadian lady on tv today say she “monkeyed with the picture to get it right”, I liked it, so I stole it).  But it almost took my hand with it.  I’m lucky to have survived such a brutal attack.  I digress…

I got back in my car thinking, “Really? REALLY? Did this really need to happen now, I mean, it’s RAINING!”  And then a funny thought crossed my mind.  Of course it broke while it’s raining, when else would I be using the wipers?! Isn’t that so like life, though?  When things are going smoothly, we aren’t really doing anything but just being, nothing breaks.  Everything sits there all pretty and ready to go, and we don’t ever know there is a problem.  Until the rain comes.  The problems, the stress of life really show us where we are weak, where we can break.  Pastor Micah always says you don’t know whats in a tea bag until you add hot water.  Its not until the craziness happens that things can get all disconnected.

So when things go all wompy-jawed, you have two choices.  Get ticked about the problem that you probably didn’t have any control over (like the rain), or deal with your weakness and make it strong again (reconnect the wiper).  You know, the funniest thing about all of this is that we are studying a book about joy right now in Stage20.  And tonight especially we were talking about how to react to situations better and not let negative emotions control us.  Haha, maybe I need to go back and re-read that chapter!!

Hail To The Chief

Yesterday (Wednesday), President Obama came to Raleigh NC.  He was holding a Town Hall Meeting at Broughton High School to promote his Health Care Bill.  Since there were so few tickets and they went too fast, I settled for standing outside to let the President know what I thought of his plan.

I wasn’t sure what to expect.  My mom goes to these protests all the time, but I’d never been to one.  Though I did know that if my mom went, they must be pretty tame.  So I headed down there with the baby+gear and two friends.  I didn’t make any signs, mostly because I just wasn’t sure how to put what I was thinking into a few words to make an effective sign.  But when we got down there, a guy had a bunch of these signs printed, so he gave me one.  I thought it captured my thoughts perfectly.  So, we were there holding our signs, waiting on the President.

For the most part the crowd stayed very civil.  There were a few crazies that wandered around, but most people avoided them.  I really don’t understand people sometimes, though.  Why don’t people understand the futility of yelling your point of view at others?

This guy was yelling at the people on the other corner.  They were there in support of the Health Care Plan.  They started screaming really awful things at each other.  No one is going to go, “Oh, wow, I’m so glad you yelled that at me through your MegaPhone. You are so right. I am so wrong. Thank you for letting me see the light.” It just ain’t happ’nin! Everyone is entitled to their opinion, that is part of the beauty of this country.  Feel free to disagree with people, but don’t stand there telling them they are stupid or that you hope they die of lung cancer (I’m not even joking, someone yelled that).  My whole purpose for being down there was to show the President that there are people, ordinary people, who do not like his Health Care Plan and want a different kind of change.  It was to support the others who feel that their freedoms are being enfringed upon.  It was not to change anyone’s opinions, it was simply to share mine.

I rather enjoyed the rally.  Can’t really put my finger on why, but I liked it. Perhaps it was being able to share with others who thought the same way.  Maybe it was simply exercising our constitutional rights.  Or being a part of something bigger.  I dunno. But I enjoyed it, and will probably attend others.  One of the really neat things that happened was that I got to see the President.  Granted, I don’t agree with many of the policies he has tried to pass, but he is still our President, and deserves the respect that office carries.  Plus, it was just cool to see someone so famous.  Like right there. In person. For real.  That was something I’ll remember forever.

the mommy diaries

My friend, St. Kelsie J of North Raleigh, gave me an awesome book.  Usually when she says “I have something for you”, it ends up being a chewing gum wrapper or something like that.  But this time she handed me a bag with a book inside.  It was the mommy diaries: finding yourself in the daily adventure.

I thought, “oh awesome, this should be funny.” I don’t really know why I thought it would be funny, but anyway… That night when I got home, I opened it up and by the end of the first page, I was in tears.  But the good kind, you know what I mean ladies. The book is full of stories written by moms about their mothering journey.  It was exactly what I needed to get me back in gear.  There were some areas of my life I was letting slip by the wayside, really for no other reason than laziness.  But this book was the inspiration I needed to step back on the right path and get back in the game.  So I wanted to share this awesome awesome book with you.  Here’s a small excerpt from one of the stories…

“The New Me” by Colleen Kappeler

Truth be told, it took years of motherhood for me to find peace in my new role and with my new definition of self.  For the longest time I kept looking over one shoulder, wondering what was out there and what adventure I was missing.  Wondering who this new person I had become was and how to identify with her.  But slowly, over time, I have found new ways to define myself.  I have stretched beyond the boundaries of my old self and created a new idea of self that connected to my original one.  … Motherhood requires flexibility.  You discover new things about yourself and rediscover old things that you though you had to give up.

ARG!

With it being the off season for most major networks (thank you, USA for having your shows run during the off season), I’ve quickly caught up on the “regulars”.  So with Jamie outta town, I had to fill up the time after Charlotte goes to bed with something, so I found a new show – Ugly Betty.  I was kinda hesitant at first because I didn’t know what it was really about.  But I was pleasantly surprised, its pretty good.  And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a lovely lesson, right there smack in the middle of a hilarious show.  So I thought I’d share it with you…

I was hoping to find a clip to show you, but couldn’t find one in the 2 minutes I spent searching YouTube.  Diligence= intense effort. I do it all for you. So anyway, its S3E5 if anyone finds it.

Betty is teaching Kimmie Keagan how to be the best assistant ever, and she, being the overly organized wonder-woman that she is, has an acronym for what to do.  Oh how I love Betty It’s ARG.

A- Anticipate: Know what people need before they do.

R- Research: Read everything, listen to everything, know everything.

G- Gumption: Take a deep breath, we are just getting started.

Here’s an example from later in the show:

Kimmie: So I noticed that Daniel’s cuticles were a little rough. I heard the editor talking about a new spa where they soak your hands in organic olive oil. They told me no openings till March. I told them no editors pick in Mode. Daniel has an appointment on Friday.

Betty: Wow! Well, you anticipated, did research, and showed gumption. ARG!

So while this show is about a fashion magazine, this is an awesome lesson for a wife.  Our role as wife is very similar to that of an Executive Assistant, believe me.  Your job is to make it possible for the CEO to do their job.  Sometimes that means doing glamorous things like planning and hosting big events, but sometimes it just means picking up their dry cleaning. As a wife, we have our own callings, our own path ordained by God.  But part of that path is to clear the way for our husbands to reach their goals.  If that means you work outside the home to make money so that he can pursue his dreams, good. If it means you work at home to keep life running while he is out the big wide world making a difference, good. Whatever it means for your family, your callings will always match, fit, and compliment each others.  As an ExecAsst, you have your own tasks, work load, things you want/need to get done, but you also have the job of taking care of the things necessary to get the CEO’s job done.  Just as your husband has his calling, but part of that calling is to spend time praying and seeking God in order to lead the family. But lets get back to ARG…

Anticipate – take time to think ahead. What’s coming up in the next few days?  Is your husband leaving for a trip? Does he have a day off? Is he about to go through a rough week at work with a huge workload? And what can you do to make that event easier? Is it laundry & packing? Is it planning fun activities for the family to do together? Is it making his favorite meals so that he has a pleasant end to a crazy day? Just think ahead.

Research – As a good ExecAsst, you know a reasonable amount about everything.  You may not be an expert at it, but you at least know where to find the needed information. This is important as a wife too.  Maybe its just a woman thing, but isn’t it always the wife that knows where the car keys are? At least in this house it is Be observant, keep your eyes and ears open.

Gumption- Take the initiative.  It may not be your “chore”, but do it.  Por ejemplo, in our house Jamie is in charge of the cars.  But I don’t let the car come to a sputtering stop before I mention to him that the service light came on (3 weeks ago!).  And Jamie is also in charge of the dogs, but I can make the appointment for the vet, even if I’m not the one who takes them.  Be the one to take initiative to make sure your home and family are operating like they should. Learn how to save more money. Learn how to earn more money. Just do something.

Some of you may be thinking, “thats not my job”, and believe me, that thought runs through my mind more than I care to admit.  But this is a great place for the principle of sowing and reaping to come into play.  If you do these things for your husband, they will be done for you, too.

So, ladies, just say ARG!

and i only lost a toenail

Well, there it was. Last night was Charlotte’s 1st Birthday Party!  We had family over to celebrate, eat food, and consume an ungodly amount of cupcakes!  Charlotte tried her own cupcake, though she didn’t like the frosting quite so much.  And she wouldn’t smoosh into it like you see on TV.  She’s  too much of a Mr Clean Princess for that.

The prep work was crazy.  All those cupcakes (oh gosh, they are still sitting on my kitchen table… must. not. eat. all. today!).  So much pink. And glitter! And in the process, I didn’t lose my salvation… just a toenail!  Well, most of it anyway.  (That mental image is my gift to you, You’re Welcome)  And can I tell you, it still hurts.  My poor little naked/bald/exposed toe.  I wonder how long it takes for toenails to grow back.  Can I paint the skin to match the other nails so my foot doesn’t look so deformed? Anybody know or have experience to share?  Speaking of sharing, if you are one of those people that just have to look at gross things, I’ll be happy to show you my poor toe if you’d like.  Free of charge. Again, You’re Welcome.

But anywho, this post was really supposed to be about Charlotte and her first birthday party.  I’ll have the videos on YouTube to share later, and I’ll try to hijack the grandmas cameras to steal thier pictures (my camera just kinda stayed in hiding the whole party. I think she’s shy).  But for now, enjoy the few pictures I did get…

all the naked cakes

the cakes with thier party dresses on

the birthday throne minus princess

Photo taken by Ann Mukherjee of Miss Jee’s Photography

one year

Happy Birthday, Charlotte!

Its still hard to beleive that you are a whole year old! But yet it seems like you have always been with us. In this past year you have done so much growing and changing. Speaking of changing, I think you need a diaper change. Be right back!  … Okay, thats better! But yeah, growing and changing.

You are almost walking now. Last night you stood up on your own.  You were leaning on my legs, and just decided to stand up.  You are pulling up and cruising on everything you can find. And oh, you LOVE pillows!  You squeal with delight when you see pillows on the floor.  You’ve even learned to launch yourself on to them.  You are going to love roller coasters when you get older.  You love being upside down, spun around, and tossed into piles of pillows on our bed.

And while you love the thrill, you are still very cautious.  While standing up holding onto something, you stop and evaluate whether or not you can reach the next object you want to move to.  If you can’t safely reach it, you slowly sit down and then crawl to it.  I think that’s so much like me and your dad, haha.   (Excuse me, I need to go catch you before you escape down the hall. Haha, you made it into your room and were sorting laundry, aka pulling all the clothes out of your drawers).  You are such a smart girl.  You can sign “more”, “please”, and “all done”, and you are learning “thank you” and “help”.   You are saying lots of things, like mama, dada, and lots of other Charlotte language words.  Like “aah uuu” for Thank You, “i aah uu” for I Love You, and “guy ay ah” for Granddaddy.  You have learned how to open and close things, and you are so obedient.  Though you do need a reminder every now and then.

You are so curious, you have been since the minute you were born.  And your facial expressions are priceless!  You sing songs (granted, its mostly screeching right now, but we’ll teach you), and you have even played a harmonica already! You love music, when you hear any kind of beat you can’t help but dance.  You’ve even learned to clap and dance at the same time, and usually in good rhythm (you get that from your dad).  I’m just so proud of you.  I can’t wait to see what the next year holds for you!

I love you, Monkey-Chicken Little-Booger-Sweet Girl!

Love,

Momma

no snooze button!

Talking about politics can be a sensitive thing when you are in leadership. But sometimes you just gotta say something.  I received a chain of emails today from some family and friends that I wanted to share with you. They are from 3 different emails, hence the different fonts.

Michael Jackson dies and who cares? But its 24/7 news coverage.  A real American hero dies and not a mention of it in the news.  The media has no honor.

Story of Ed Freeman: You’re a 19-year-old kid. You’re critically wounded and dying in the jungle in the Ia Drang Valley , 11-14-1965, LZ X-ray, Vietnam . Your infantry unit is outnumbered 8-1 and the enemy fire is so intense, from 100 or 200 yards away, that your own Infantry Commander has ordered the MediVac helicopters to stop coming in.

You’re lying there, listening to the enemy machine guns, and you know you’re not getting out. Your family is half way around the world, 12,000 miles away and you’ll never see them again. As the world starts to fade in and out, you know this is the day.

Then, over the machine gun noise, you faintly hear that sound of a helicopter and you look up to see an unarmed Huey, but it doesn’t seem real because no Medi-Vac markings are on it.

Ed Freeman is coming for you. He’s not Medi-Vac, so it’s not his job, but he’s flying his Huey down into the machine gun fire, after the Medi-Vacs were ordered not to come.

He’s coming anyway.

And he drops it in and sits there in the machine gun fire as they load 2 or 3 of you on board.

Then he flies you up and out, through the gunfire to the doc tors and nurses.

And he kept coming back, 13 more times , and took about 30 of you and your buddies out, who would never have gotten out.

Medal of Honor Recipient Ed Freeman died on Wednesday, June 25th, 2009, at the age of 80, in Boise , ID.  May God rest his soul.

(Reply 1) This is true heroism.  It makes our current politicians all the more disgusting and unacceptable.  To honor the memory of those who have fought for us, to not dishonor the memory of those who have fought for us,  we all must stand up and oppose that which is wrong.  Find out about Kitchen Table Meetings and go to one in your area or begin one. Every state has Tea Parties, Kitchen Table Meetings (KTM).  Check out Glenn Beck.  We are rapidly losing our American way of life, our Constitution, our Bill of Rights.  I can’t serve in the military but I can serve by opposing evil and wrong.  I host a KTM.  We actively attend protests, email and phone our Representatives and Senators (and out state and local politicians).  Please share KTMs with your friends.  Do this for your children.

(Reply 2) I see the same things that you do and have been doing the same with my congressmen.  Our rights have been stolen from us because of fear and they are slowly taking what’s left.  And it’s happening right in front of us, there’s no hiding it anymore.  I have been woken up to it just recently after becoming a father and business owner.  The military conditions you towards unconditional support, whether you realize you’re doing it or not.

The Patriot Act is a good example of this.  I used to believe that it was a good thing because it keeps our country safe.  I now see that fear was used to take our freedoms away, and that is wrong.  They are have employed the same tactics in further destroying the economy and value of our currency with this Stimulus Package, that they are now saying they “misjudged” the economy.  But it was passed in such a fury because of the fear of the economy collapsing – despite the outcry from economists and the American people.

I believe that the current administration is taking the ball from the previous administration and running with it.  At no period in our history has our rights been encroached upon like they have now and we face the very distinct possibility of losing everything.  I am afraid that when the American people truly wake up to this, if they wake up to this, it will be too late.  There are several ways of rationalizing our current situation, but you cannot argue with the fact that we are less of a free nation now then we have ever been in the last 233 years of our existence.  I hope that the American people will start to get out of their comfort zones of just going with the flow and actually stand up for their rights.  We are experiencing the “Change” the current administration campaigned for, but it’s not the change the American people expected.

Thank you for fighting for our rights.

God bless you.

skin

There are some lessons you learn from books or teachings, and then there are some lessons you must learn the hard way.  One of the lessons that I thought I had learned from teachings, I ended up actually learning the hard way when I implemented that learning. There is this ugly little thing called “familiarity”.  I call it ugly, but it can be a beautiful thing when used in the correct context.  Like when you are so familiar with your husband that you can finish his thought or the punch line to a joke.  Or you are so familiar with your sibling that you can pick out clothing for them and they love it.  But familiarity can get you into a lot of trouble when not used correctly.

When you are in leadership, whether it is your position or your spouses position, people are watching you.  And they put together a picture in their head of what you are, whether it is accurate or not.  Then when they get to know you, often their image of you comes crashing into the reality of you.  They see your flaws, they see the booger in your nose and the runs in your hose, and sometimes they don’t deal with it well.  They begin to chip away at their respect for your position.  Like, “Oh yeah they say that, but I know what they really think.”  When someone becomes familiar with you and doesn’t handle that information correctly, they can have a really hard time living under your delegated authority.

I learned this lesson the hard way when I first stepped into leadership.  I was 18 or 19 and I was made a  leader in the youth church.  The issue I had was that I was still friends with many of the teens I was supposed to be leading.  They knew how I had acted (I had a big come back to Jesus meeting with myself when I was 18), they knew what I had done, and so it was hard to establish any influence with them (because leadership is simply influence).  And this caused several issues.  And I really struggled to find my balance.  I wanted to stay friends and hang out and have sleep overs, but I wanted them to respect and submit to the authority I now had.  Trust me, I didn’t handle that struggle well.  I have a tendency to jump from one ditch to another, so the conclusion I came to after one too many broken relationships was that I just wasn’t going to have any friends.  Sure, I had friends that were fellow leaders (haha, I married one of them!!), but I kept everyone else at arms length.  And when Jamie got ordained and I came on staff at the church, the struggle only got harder.  Now not only did I reflect myself, Christ, and the youth church, now my every action reflected my husband and the ENTIRE MINISTRY and our senior pastors! Yeah, no pressure there!  I struggled and pleaded with God on this issue of “friends”.   My closest friend was and still is Tammy.  And believe me, she knows me without me having to say a word, and I know a lot about her, but there is still a respectful distance because she is still my leader.  I can go to her with anything, and have gone to her with everything, but I know I don’t know everything about her. And I shouldn’t. She is my leader, I don’t need to know about her marriage and the details of her relationship with her children.  I know enough (I’ll talk more about establishing this respectful distance in a later post). I love her dearly.  But still I struggled with this thing called friends.

One afternoon I was at Pastor Connie’s house for a meeting of some pastors wives and other women in ministry. After the lesson (which was awesome, I LOVE learning from Pastor Connie!!!!!!), we were all standing around chatting and the subject of friends came up.  One of the ladies said, “when you are in the ministry you just can’t have friends.”  And oh that has been my motto for a long time, but it still hurts. I have shed many tears over the issue of friends.  But then Pastor Connie said something that totally rocked my world.  Sure people always say stuff like, “God will always be your friend.” But really? I understand that concept, and I appreciate it, but sometimes I just need someone with skin to hug, a girlfriend to cry with, someone to giggle with.  But Pastor Connie said, “God will always be there with skin on… but He doesn’t always wear the same skin. And you can’t mourn when the skin changes.”  Wow. I don’t know if you understand how profound that is. I had always felt like I would have a friend for a little while, then something would either happen or we would just move on, and it always hurt.  This statement totally rocked my world.  God doesn’t always wear the same skin, but He will always be there with skin on. I have to keep my eyes and heart open to the skin that He is wearing for that season.

This has been a long struggle for me, and its not over just yet, I’m still learning.  But if someone had said that to me 5 years ago, I would have spared myself many heartaches.  So I hope that helps you as much as it helped me.  God will always be there with skin on, but He doesn’t always wear the same skin.

Just because you needed a cute picture of the baby!!

Dr. Sean says…

My brother is a Medic in the Special Forces. Which means he knows everything (dentistry, birthin babies, vetrinarian, & everything else!), but isn’t technically licsenced to do any of it in the outside world (third world countries and military bases excluded). But still, I go to him with most of my bizzare medical questions.  For example…

When he was up in Raleigh visiting for his birthday(yes, I take every opportunity I can!) I asked him to take a look at my toe nail. It was numb and turning black and I wanted to know if I was gonna lose it.  You see, I was at the grocery store and when I wrestled the shopping cart out of its tangled nest-o-carts, it ran up and over my big toe. If you’ve never had that happen, let me assure you, it hurts. So, any who, he looked at it and said that, yes I would in fact lose my big toe nail soon. Great. Stupid shopping cart.

Just thought it would enrich your day to know that the toe nail on my right big toe is going to fall off. You’re welcome. Have a great day!

your crack is showing

I saw this commercial once for an anti-depression medication.  You know, the ones where its all sad and dark at the beginning, but at the end its all sunny and happy?  At the end of this particular commercial it showed one of the ladies who had been depressed jean shopping.  LOL, a guy OBVIOUSLY wrote that commercial, because jeans shopping is one of the most depressing things a girl can do! Right? Surely I’m not the only one?! But I’ve discovered something interesting about women’s jeans.  They are either super high mom-jeans, or they are so low all your junk hangs out.  A friend of mine called those low kind “standing room only”.  You know, the kind where they look great but as soon as you sit down you look like a plumber.  And is there anything worse than sitting behind (haha, good pun) a lady who doesn’t seem to know that her crack is showing? What do you do, tell her or let her just keep going about her breezy day?

One thing I’ve always been taught in Leadership Training is to “cover your leaders cracks”, and I always think about those jeans.  Haha and now you will too.  You’re welcome! But thats not exactly what that lesson is talking about, though sometimes it might, lol … I’m gonna stop now. Its talking about compensating for your leaders weaknesses instead of broadcasting them for the world to see.  Like say your boss is not very good at giving you deadlines for your projects.  Instead of complaining to your coworkers about how annoying it is that everything seems to be due NOW and everything is URGENT, when your boss gives you a new project you ask them what the deadline is and what the priorities are.  See? Covering the cracks.

The same is true with our husbands.  While they don’t wear “standing room only” jeans (hopefully!!), they do have faults.  And as their wife, we know those faults all too well! It seems so common to be in a group of women, and within 30 seconds the conversation always turns to husbands and thier faults.  And this is such a hard thing for me. The family I grew up in isn’t exactly the most positive, especially when it comes to men and thier abilities.  So its very easy for me to tell a story about something Jamie did that I didn’t like.  One of the things I try really hard to do now is to ask myself before I say something, “Is this uplifting or would he be embarassed for me to tell this story?”.  If its not uplifting and makes him look like anything less than the most amazing human being, I don’t say it. Granted, I’m still working on this, but at least I’m noticing what I am saying.  Next time you are in a conversation and it turns into male-bashing, say something super uplifting and encouraging about your husband and see what happens.  And the same concept applies to our children (selah!), but thats another post.

Whats even more, it goes beyond just what you say in front of others, what you tell yourself about your husband is super important!  Your thoughts become mindsets become attitudes become actions.  Lets look at an example.  Jamie and I differ on the way we put away dishes.  I have a particular spot for everything, and he is satisfied with everything being somewhere.  So the other day, I opened the silverware drawer and there were spoons of every shape and size all in the same section.  Instead of thinking, “Geez, can’t he just put the spoons in the right place? Its not THAT hard!”  I thought to myself, “Wow, he put the dishes away. He didn’t have to do that. How sweet!”  Beleive me, that is a major improvement and step forward for me! But it is so important.  If we aren’t our husband’s biggest fan, you don’t want to imagine who could fill that position.

So, ladies, just say NO to crack.