Saturday i did a “bad” thing.  I didn’t put Charlotte down in her crib until her final bed time.  I held her pretty much all day long. Granted, I understand that “bad” is a relative term.  But from the point of view of all the parenting books that tell you to teach them to fall asleep on thier own so that you help them develop good sleeping patterns, it was a “bad” thing.  And believe me, I am absolutely in favor of scheduling and letting her work out her energy and learn to fall asleep on her own… but something about Saturday just felt like it warrented holding her all day.  We napped on the couch, she slept in my arms as I watched some TV, and every 3 hours like clockwork I fed her.  The only time I wasn’t holding her was before Jamie left for the airport, and that was only because HE was holding her.

I heard about a study recently where they monitered the brain activities of mothers as they showed them different faces of infants.  When they showed them pictures of thier babies smiling, the brain lit up in the same way it would during a drug high.  They could be shown pictures of other happy babies, but nothing triggered the “high” like their own child.  (Interestingly, they could be shown a picture of any crying baby, whether it was thiers or not, and their brain didn’t change at all.)  There is something in seeing your child smile … and smile AT you.  But there is also something really special about knowing that YOU can calm her down, YOU make her feel safe, YOU soothe her fears, YOU stop her tears, YOU are the one she loves, YOU are the one she looks for in a room.  Seeing her sleeping so peacefully and with total abandon in my arms … it was amazing.

I don’t know who was more spoiled that day … me or her.


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