turkey and pep-talks

I’m afraid it’s time for another blogging pep-talk.  C’mon, people … why are you wasting space on the interweb with a blog that you don’t use??? And not to mention the wasted time we all spend clicking on your blog in hopes that on some off chance it has snowed in H-E-double hockey sticks and you actually blogged!  Some of you haven’t blogged in over a month!  It ain’t that hard, and I know your lives aren’t THAT boring.  But that really is just a side note.  The real purpose behind this post is to give you the details of my date with a turkey.

wholechickenTonight was the monthly Leadership Update, and since it’s November and Thanksgiving happens this month, the theme for the food for this month’s LU was Thanksgiving.  All the leaders brought a dish to share, and all the PMT made a turkey.  Since I am a leader, and a wife of a PMT member, I got to bring a side dish AND make a turkey. Oh boy. This will be the first time I made a turkey who was to be eaten. (Last time was for a Turkey Pinata … way too much fun).  So there was a little more pressure this time to get it so it was actually edible, and not just beat-able.  Jamie picked out the turkey on Monday night as we were driving home.  And as we are driving home, I see on the label that it takes 2-3 days to thaw the stupid bird.  Well, I have less than 24 hours, so I had to thaw it in cold water.  That part wasn’t too hard.  But today, at around 1pm, when the turkey finally felt squishy through the bag (that’s a technical measurement that takes years to perfect), I began to prepare it.  Have I mentioned yet how much I hate raw meat?  So I cut open the bag, and the bloody juice starts to run out. OMW (oh my word). Then I’m supposed to unhook the legs from the clamp, but they are nice and stuck, so I have to really push on them, and it starts bleeding on me. I had to stop a few times because I was about to gag and cry all at the same time.  So I finally get the legs unclamped, but now I’m supposed to reach my bare hand up the booty-hole of a bird’s carcass and remove a plastic bag full of its internal organs.  I think not.  This is just the thing they made tongs and long spoons for.  So I dig around and find something to pull out, but its not in a plastic bag.  Nope, apparently I found the neck. Great. That goes in the trash immediately.  I poke around a little more and don’t find anything else, so I rinse the turkey inside and out. Ew – I must now disinfect EVERYTHING. Then I stuff its chest cavity with lemons and onions (yeah, that seems pleasant), and rub it all over with the herb mixture.  I’m supposed to loosen the skin over the breast and rub the herb mixture underneath, but I think this turkey has endured enough.  So then I stick it in the oven with a “loose tent of foil” over top.  … Fast forward 4 hours and I’m running late and that little pop-up thermometer won’t pop.  It finally pops, Jamie’s mom hacks the cooked bird into pieces, and its off to church I go.  I get there at 6:29pm … and there isn’t room on the table for my beautiful turkey pieces.  So it goes under the table in case they run out.  They didn’t run out.  Sigh.

**UPDATE: I found out that even though my turkey wasn’t served to everyone, several families took a bunch of it home, and now the rest lives in my refridgerator.  So it didn’t all go to waste!

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7 thoughts on “turkey and pep-talks

  1. Oh my gosh, this is hilarious!! I tried to make homemade chicken & dumplings for Matt about 3wks after Emma was born. It was going good except when I had looked for the bag-o-guts I apparently didn’t look (or dig in) far enough. So after the chicken had simmered for almost 2hrs, creating yummy chicken broth, one of us poked in there with a knife & well, there was a burst of delight, if you know what I mean. So then my nicely simmered chicken broth was now full of pink gross blood & I had to start all over. I think it ended w/ me crying, Matt trying to cheer me up, & a whole load of chicken & dumplings that we barely even touched. Hooray!
    & thanks for sharing about your big bird escapade! 🙂

  2. That was too funny. I love how you describe things. I’m sorry no one got to eat your bird:-(. Theresa, you are funny also. I must really be country b/c going up the booty whole to get the bag doesn’t bother me. Thanks for the laugh Jenn!

  3. LOL Wow this is hilarious! You can describe things like nobody else! I would have loved to been there to see this “date with the turkey” 🙂

  4. jenn, i hate to touch meat too. gross!! but i love to eat it. why do they put the neck and the bag inside the bird? why cant they put it outside? and after all that no one ate it, i hope you and jamie took it home and had several meals w/ it ! you make me laugh!!!!

  5. Congrats,

    I think I peed a little when I read this I was laughing so hard. My first Thanksgiving I made my dad come over at 5 am to do the bird stuff. Raw meat and I don’t get along…plus I’m with you, why the heck would they shove the birds neck up its butt and make us dig around for it…seriously, is this a cruel joke??? I am sorry your bird hid under the table, I am sure it was delicious too!

    Btw, as for the hair falling out thing, I remember that after I had Parker, I thought I needed to call the hair plug people! It will stop eventually and you will look no different or worse for the wear.

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