feelin’ good: a year in review

2008 was a big year of big changes. Sure, there were lots of historical biggies, like electing our first not 100% white president (come on people, lets be realistic, he’s not completely black, so lets be accurate, he’s bi-racial), but I’m talking mostly about big changes for my family.  My brother returned from his second deployment. Three new babies were born.  I became a motherI changed careers. It was a big year. But through those changes, I’ve learned something very important… I’ve found my place. Please don’t misunderstand me, I still have very little clue what I’m doing.  I don’t have hardly anything figured out, and I still have tons to learn.  But at least I know I’m on the right track.  Let me explain…

I’ve always struggled with my place in my family; my role, if you will. I am not the youngest, but am in the bottom 3.  If I was the oldest, or the only girl, or the youngest, or something, then my role would be a little more defined.  But since I’m the 4th of 6 granddaughters, and the 6th of 8 grandchildren, my spot was pretty ambiguous.  Even within my my “immediate” family, I was just the baby sister. Until this year. Something changed.  Perhaps we are all growing up, and therefore coming into our own, but still, something changed.  Maybe it was that my brother and I finally connected as adults.  Maybe it was because three of us became moms together.  Maybe I finally grew up.  I dunno specifically what it was, but now I feel like I have a place in the family, a vital role to play.

When I worked for Pastor Steve, … thats not acutally a correct statement, because I still “work” for Pastor Steve, like all the other volunteer leaders at church, I’m just not being monetarily compensated for it like I was, and my contact isn’t as direct anymore … but you know whaddamean.  So when I was Pastor’s Assistant, I absolutely LOVED my job.  I would have worked there for a million +1 years happily.  (Haha, in the job description it says: “Length of Commitment: Until Jesus Returns”, and I was happy to fulfill that).  But then Charlotte came along, and I knew that God had called me to stay home to raise my children.  I will never have more influence over another human being than I do over my own children.  So who better to disciple on a daily one-on-one basis??? I was sad to leave my job, and I would take the job back in a heartbeat when all my kids are grown (haha, that is if Dawn would let it go… doubt it!).  But I was super excited to be a “Home Manager” as Tabitha put it.  And now I know why.  THIS is my mission field.  My home. My family. My community.  No matter where I am, what country, what continent, what city, they will always be there. I finally feel like I have come into my element.  Like I said, I have no idea what I’m doing.  And I have A LOT to work on, but I couldn’t be happier.  Sure, I struggle with dishes and laundry and general tidiness, but learning how to make my family’s life healthier and happier is one of my greatest joys.  Being able to spend my days meeting the needs of my precious baby girl, seeing her smile at me, reach out for me, and be happy in my arms … its almost indescribable.  I am so grateful that I am able to do this, it is worth ALL the sacrifices and more!

And I’ve noticed something this past year.  I don’t know if its my age (I’ll be a quarter of a century in March!!!), or what, but I finally feel comfortable in my own skin.  Sure, there is more skin there than I’d like, and I’m working on that, but all the same, I’m comfortable here.  I don’t feel like I always have to change myself to fit what others want.  I don’t feel like I have people to impress.  I don’t feel like the world is watching me.  I feel good…

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4 thoughts on “feelin’ good: a year in review

  1. Good post. It is an amazing place to be in, I must agree. And you are much of my inspiration as well, so, thank YOU. 🙂

    Get together soon? I know of a very good seamstress that just happens to have the time to go through a pattern or two with me. Let me know if you want to join.

  2. Hi Jen, Love your post. When you were Pastor Steve’s assistant you gave it your all and did the job with excellence. Now I see you doing the same thing at home taking care of your husband, baby and home. So happy for you. Love you all,
    DAC

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