internal mutiny

Have you ever noticed that you seem to be working against yourself sometimes? You do everything right, but then you somehow end up making some kind of mess along the way?  Or, you know what to do, but dont’ seem to do it?

We put our house on the market about 2 weeks ago.  And if you know me or know my parents, you’ll know that keeping the house spotless is a challenge.  And spotless is what it has to be every second of every day because you never know when someone will come for a showing.  If it took you 10 minutes to get all your gear and get out the door, it now takes you 30 minutes because you have to go through the house, straightening, turning on the right lamps, fluffing pillows, spraying yummy smelling room spray, and opening the blinds to “show off the view”.

Its always been my dream/goal/ambition to have a spotless house that people could show up at anytime and I’m not all embarrassed and rushing to hide the dirty dishes.  But now that I pretty much do have the house that way, I find myself purposefully not keeping everything 100% spotless. I tried it for a couple days, but I’m not comfortable in a pristine house, with no flaws or things to work on.  For example, the kitchen will be perfectly clean, but there is probably going to be one cup in the sink drying rack thing.  Or, the high chair is wiped down and clean, but I’m going to leave the bib hanging on it, “for next time”, of course.

I’ve always been good at analyzing people’s deeper motives, but when it comes to myself, I’m not so good (aren’t we all like that though?!).  But I’ve been pondering this… why do I do this, why can’t I be comfortable in a spotless house?  After much searching, I’ve come to a conclusion.

When the house is spotless, when there is nothing left to work on, accomplish, or tidy up, the only thing left to focus on is me, and what I need to work on inside myself.  As long as I can focus on the physical mess in front of me, I can effectually ignore any mess thats inside of me.  I think this is the same issue that meddling moms have.  They don’t have kids living in their home anymore, and therefore are forced to really see themselves, are unwilling to do that, so they seek out their adult children to continue fixing.  Its also the same when you can’t seem to turn off the noise, like tv or radio, or whatever.  Something HAS to be playing, HAS to be going on, otherwise you can hear your own voice (and the voice of the Holy Spirit, Selah), and you don’t wanna do that right now.

So, my new goal — keep the house clean which will therefore force me to spend time with me.  Sigh, I hope I’m still the best friend I remember!


3 thoughts on “internal mutiny

  1. Charlotte’s room is lovely! Are you all looking for a bigger place?? You know, I know this GREAT neighborhood…filled with GREAT neighbors and an AWESOME realtor and GREAT builder…. 😉

    • hey jen, thanks! i love her room too! no, we aren’t looking for a bigger place necessarily, just a better deal! you can find some awesome stuff out there right now!

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