One of the turning points in my life was on my first mission trip. While at an orphanage in Mexico, Pastor Micah pulled me aside and told me to “prepare myself” and then took me into the nursery of the orphanage where the infants were. There was one little boy with whom I bonded instantly. He was probably about 9 months old, and when I had to leave, he cried and cried and kept reaching his arms out to me. It broke my heart. And as I processed that grief with God, I realized that if for no other reason than to spend a few minutes with that little boy, to hold him, to give him love that he rarely received, that the whole trip was worth it. And if all the heartache I’ve been through in my life could help encourage and change just one life, than it was worth it.
Being a stay-home mom has really begun to change my views on life. I used to take a lot of pride in my knowledge, education, work, etc. I’m a fairly intelligent person, I did very well in school, and I think I was good at my job. I enjoyed having conversations with people when I knew what I was talking about. I liked being the one who knew everything (but you’ve probably already guessed that if you know me at all). But this whole mom business … I don’t have a clue! Its so different than anything I’ve ever done before. And I don’t feel like I know everything, or even have a slight idea about what things are. So I’ve been soaking up as many resources and blogs and books as I can to try to learn what I don’t know, to see where I want to go and learn how to get there.
As I’ve been reading those blogs, I’ve begun to ask myself, what am I offering in my blog? What am I teaching, who am I encouraging? I know I can’t talk about mom stuff, or crafty things, or anything like that because I don’t know enough. So I began to ponder, “what do I know?” One thing that came to mind was that I am a pastor’s wife. So I wondered, are there any blogs out there about that? There are, but mostly they are in very different denominations than I am, so their struggles are a little bit different. On that note, I am going to begin taking a new direction with this blog.
As I said, if the things I’ve dealt with can help just one person avoid the heartache I’ve expereinced, then it was worth the tears. So I want to share my journey as a young pastor’s wife, as a woman in leadership, as a mother in the spotlight, as a Christian in a glass house. Some of you that read my blog may lose interest and others may find me because of this change. But like I said, even if I help just one person, it’ll be worth it.
Here’s to a new start…